Tia Talk

Beyond Blame- How to resolve conflict without blame

This is such an interesting topic as we are all inclined to blame and it is a habit that doesn't serve anybody get what it is they want and often causes damage to relationships on all levels.

Learning to communicate beyond blame is relevant to all styles of relationships, business, familial, personal and intimate.

In exploring the topic with relationship counsellors Rudolf Jarosewisch and Mirjam Busch I was very interested to hear their views and learn more on this topic.

 Some of the points we discovered were-

Blame is a fear based reaction

Blame is a child response to a circumstance or person

Blame is a signal of low self esteem or self doubt.

Behind every attack and criticism and judgement there is an unmet need and a difficult feeling.

Stress often leads to blame.

It is important not to blame others for being blaming but to look to understand their un met need.

Three questions we can ask when we wan to blame.

1. What can I do?

2. What do I need now?

3.What is asked of me?

When dealing with someone who is blaming we can look to first empathize, find out what they need, be kind. Then look at ourselves and ask the questions above.