Marshall Rosenberg called his approach NVC (Non Violent Communication). It also became known as “Compassionate Communication” and is very helpful, especially in potential and actual conflict situation.
Instead of sparking conflict by putting out judgments, in applying compassionate communication I am asked to describe what I observe. Stay with what is, with what is perceivable.
The next step is to identify the feelings. Here it is important to share feelings that are close to me, felt feelings that I can trace inside of my body. In the same way as with judgments, we can move away from ourselves by focusing on thought feelings (as opposed to felt feelings). “I feel rejected by you” is one of those. I can't feel it in my body, and it is an indirect blame: “you reject me”.
Closely connected with our felt feelings are our basic needs. “What do I need right now?” is an empowering question. Again, we can operate at different levels. I might feel like eating a biscuit, but is this really what I need?
The last step, and the icing on the cake, is a specific request we might have. A request is different from a demand in that it leaves the other person the option to say “yes” or “no”. If we get a “no, our task is to respect this and at the same time hold on to what is important to us by negotiating another time or finding a different way of getting our need met.
A further empowering aspect of this approach is the fact that I can use compassionate communication even if the person I talk to doesn't. When there is not enough willingness to listen to my truth, I can take an active interest in the other and explore theirs. The compassion is based on the assumption that there is always a basic human feeling like grief, pain, shame, guilt, anger, fear, joy, love underneath as well as a basic need, even though somewhat might express it clumsily with judgments and blame.
Rudolf Jarosewitsch
Further information on Compassionate Communication: 